When children in a family are struggling, I often prefer to work with the whole family, or parents and the child, in order to understand and address patterns in the family that may make change difficult, and which may be frustrating for both parents and a child. 

Patterns, such as reciprocally disrespectful tone, defiance, yelling, nagging, whining, and other almost automatic responses to eachother can make family life uncomfortable. I work with children from birth to 18.

With younger children I address limit setting, help parents set clear boundaries, and discuss when ignoring a behavior may be the best intervention.   With infants and young children I support healthy attachment, reading of cues and address "ghosts in the nursery" or trauma or parent history that is interfering with remaining calm and caring.  I help parents understand what behavior is age appropriate, and support parents in engaging their little ones and making family life more fun for all. At times I may use video intervention therapy, if a family is open to that, to support families in slowing down and reflecting on interactive patterns.  Or I will identify patterns as they are occuring in the session and note responses.

With teens, I support the teen in becoming responsible, and then requesting the freedom that responsible behavior earns. We address issues of honesty, and I support more direct, more assertive requests both from the parents to the teen and from the teen to the parent. I support healthy negotiation, but do not hesitate to call foul when teens are "negotiating" or demanding a rationale, when what they really mean is "I don't like this and will irritate you, argue with you, disrespect you and wear you down if you insist on making me do this".

I support teens in learning to drive, managing their own homework, waking themselves up, and getting a job. 

I encourage parents to let them do all that, and to make some mistakes along the way.  Parents do need to set boundaries and limits when the teen is falling short. 

Sometimes it feels to parents as though frequent nagging and lecturing is the only way to get results.  I know I certainly did (or acted that way at times while feeling (with resentment) that it was the child's fault that I had to). Nagging (or even frequent gentle reminding) is not a limit. To a teen it is an annoyance, and relatively ineffective, as teens have an uncanny ability for selective listening. It sends the message that the teen cannot take care of business. 

I work with families to make reasonable agreements regarding chores, homework, curfew, substance use, social interaction, and family rituals, and then problem solve when implementation is challenging.  In nearly all my work I support family members in perspective taking, and reflecting on and being sincerely curious about the motivations, thoughts and feelings of others.

I have been working with children, youth, and young adults for over 50 years, as a scoutmaster, counselor in residential treatment and group home programs, as a social worker, therapist, supervisor of therapists and program director.

I enjoy playing with children, and can usually gain their trust, even when addressing difficult subjects, worries, and mental health concerns.

Teens in our community are facing extraordinary stressors. They are concerned about the state of the world and our country, about the challenges of high school, of looming college and independence, and of the enormous and new complexity of social relationships.  In addition, most of them are trying to navigate, with varying success, a relationship with alcohol, marijuana, and the plentiful supply of other substances.

I am comfortable working with children with fairly serious mental health concerns, including anxiety, depresssion, ADHD and suicidality, and work collaboratively, as needed with psychiatrists.  I am very comfortable with working with coexisting conditions, such as combinations of substance use, mental illness, disability, and impact of external stressors.

I support children in addressing the sometimes overwhelming stresses of school demands, peer relationships, bullying, and overcoming disabilities including sensory sensitivities and ADHD.

I can talk comfortably about relationships, fears around sex and intimacy, trauma history and other serious concerns. At the same time I am interested in hearing about children's interests, and can listen and discuss intelligently sports, social dynamics with peers, as well as video games they are playing (which I also play some). I am not a teen, but I know quite a bit, from talking regularly with them, about teen ethics and expectations.

I keep teen information confidential, but also encourage young people to share, when they are ready, their concerns with family and/or friends.

I am respectful of children, and understand ways in which they are harassed, not only by peers, but by adults. Sadly, often school teachers and administrators are condescending, and I have heard countless tales of what clearly seems to be harassment of youth (such as unlawful detainment, disrespectful tone, and illegal search by Marin police.  I treat youth with respect and understanding. On the other hand I collaborate with them in developing and clarifying their own moral and ethical standards, and have no hesitation in calling them on it when they are not living up to their standards.  I talk honestly with youth about substance use and abuse, and provide clear and completely honest information about risks (and benefits). I do not judge, but help youth examine honestly the effects of their use, and the pros and cons of continuing, motivate them to make changes, and then provide as much support as needed to assist them in changing problematic behavior including substance and alcohol use.

I help parents be respectful of teens while supporting them in being effective parents and setting limits. I promote family relationship with respect, dignity, mutual responsibility, and caring.  See Family Therapy.

Trauma

I have been working for over 40 years with children and adults with history of Trauma. As a counselor in residential treatment facilities, as a supervisor, and doing individual and family therapy. Clients have included child victims of sexual abuse, physical abuse, neglect, and community violence.  and domestic violence.

My work with trauma includes a profound awareness of the pain and loss that results from trauma, and a willingness to hold that pain and connect with the person in pain. My work with trauma combines the techniques of sensory-motor psychotherapy as developed by Pat Ogden and others, and documented well in Sensorymotor Psychotherapy by Pat Ogden, Kekuni Minton, and Clare Pain.

For more information on sensorymotor psychotherapy you can go to: http://www.sensorimotorpsychotherapy.org

Often trauma can lead to secondary anxiety, depression, phobias, substance abuse, and various strategies to avoid situations or thoughts that may remind a person of the trauma. In these cases I may also utilize techniques from the work of Milton Erickson, Haley, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to address these issues.

Supporting Recovery

I have been working with teens, young adults, and adults in recovery for over 20 years. I also work with people who are, or have been affected by the drinking, substance abuse, or mental illness of a friend or family member.  My experience includes work in inpatient and outpatient programs and in private practice.

My personal experience includes past abuse of marijuana and cocaine. I am active in 12 step programs, and have been sober for 27 years since January 1984. I have also been an active member of Al-Anon for many years.

I enjoy working with addicts and alcoholics, and supporting family members struggling with addiction. My approach is very flexible, and responsive to individual differences. While I personally have found considerable support in 12 step programs, I understand that this is not necessarily the approach for everyone. I am comfortable with Lifering and other secular group support approaches.

I believe in meeting a person where they are in their readiness to address problems, and work with them in a way that matches their stage of readiness for change. My work includes motivational interviewing methods, as well as support for the 12 step approaches for those who are working, or willing to consider working a 12 step program.

Drug and alcohol abuse create incredible suffering in the lives of both the addict/alcoholic and the lives of family members. While there is no assurance of success in recovery, there is no question that good support is essential, and quality professional support can help greatly in helping individuals recognize that a problem exists, and begin to take positive steps toward increase

In addition to my private practice I currently work with Larry Fritzlan Recovery Services, providing individual and family therapy, primarily to teens and young adults and their families.